y did u give ur computer a hand job?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
