I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Don't EVER smell your tampon
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Randomize
