You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
