Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
A bitchslap is in order.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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