it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
His nipple licking is glorious
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
