Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wanna passion pit in your ass
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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