bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
