Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Be still, my beating vagina.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
