I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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