am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
