D3 body, D1 cock
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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