I will die if light touches me.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
