Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
