this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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