Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
