last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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