$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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