He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
