Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.

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(410): Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer. http://tfl.nu/2her

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(678): View more from Georgia

What are you drinking?

(404): View more from Georgia

Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL

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(678): What are you drinking? (404): Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL http://tfl.nu/iqly

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(303): View more from Colorado

woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?

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(303): woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night? http://tfl.nu/lo5l

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(317): View more from Indiana

Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.

(1-317): View more from Indiana

Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai

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(317): Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta. (1-317): Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai http://tfl.nu/sch5

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(707): View more from California

so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?

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(707): so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before? http://tfl.nu/2y4h

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(806): View more from Texas

Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients

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(806): Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients http://tfl.nu/si73

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(847): View more from Illinois

At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.

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(847): At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face. http://tfl.nu/zq8n

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(701): View more from North Dakota

She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.

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(701): She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex. http://tfl.nu/crgk

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(516): View more from New York

my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper

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(516): my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper http://tfl.nu/iwmr

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

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(715): Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time. http://tfl.nu/f7ph

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(407): View more from Florida

I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.

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(407): I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down. http://tfl.nu/6857

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(253): View more from Washington

I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips

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(253): I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips http://tfl.nu/j5et

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(416): View more from Toronto

I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.

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(416): I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn. http://tfl.nu/iixt

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(714): View more from California

Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.

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(714): Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee. http://tfl.nu/zv29

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(315): View more from New York

My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.

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(315): My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off. http://tfl.nu/m48w

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