Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby