I didn't shave. On purpose
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
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Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
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Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?