She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Randomize
