I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
