if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
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That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
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Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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