I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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