Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
