Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
