i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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