Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
