i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
