i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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