you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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