I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
