I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
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he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
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This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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