I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
