I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
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You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
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This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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