if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We talked him into tasing himself.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
