dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I see more hoeing in ur future
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