Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
