This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
