My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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