We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
