Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
