Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
