i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
