If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
