Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
