Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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