I must be too annoying 4 u.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
