apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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