Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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