Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
