I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
it's like heaven, but drunker
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
