Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
