Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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