Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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