i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
