it was like his penis was on wheels.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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