The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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