Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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