the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
