i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
