you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
