That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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