i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
