dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
