I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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