My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
