i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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