If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
