I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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