Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
