I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
